Are We Really Living the Soft Life, or Just Performing It Online?

By Owen Konzolo

Is it really Softlife, or are we lying to ourselves? I got invited to a friend’s wedding someplace in Thika. You know weddings. The usual setup: a live band, photo booth for receiving the bride and her groom, alot of flowers everywhere.

Then, at some point, a young woman about my age leaned over and told me she was “living in my soft girl era.” Two minutes earlier she had been worrying out loud about how she would stretch what was left of her Ksh 40000 salary till the end of the month. It was still the 3rd day of the 12th month on the calendar, mind you. I didn’t call it out. I’ve learned that pointing out contradictions rarely moves anyone. But the sentence stayed with me long after the buffet was had, the presents were given, and we left those gardens.

We Kenyans have always been good at performance. I don’t say that as an insult. It’s just how we move. We perform confidence when we feel none. We perform generosity we can’t really afford.

These days, a whole generation has perfected the art of performing comfort, soft life even when the bank balance is saying something else entirely.

I get why. When the real economy stops rewarding hard work, people build a quieter one around appearances. Looking like you’re doing well starts to matter more than the actual numbers. Nobody can audit your vibe. Nobody can take away how you look in a photo.

If the front door stays locked, people will always find a side entrance. That’s not weakness. That’s survival. But survival has a price.

Two years ago, this same generation filled the streets and forced the government to drop the 2024 Finance Bill. No soft captions were needed for that. Just clear eyes and conviction. That ability to see things as they are remains the more useful skill.

What worries me is that the generation that saw through every political lie is now busy lying to itself online, posting highlight reels so the struggle looks lighter than it feels. I know we have all seen those “Forex Trader” boys and “Influencer” babes on IG and TikTok

You Can’t Fix a Problem You Refuse to Name

I’ve been reading older thinkers lately. Especially one Sunny Bindra who has a column on Sunday Nation. One thing keeps coming up when you take your time and go through their essays and articles: you can’t fix a problem you refuse to name.

If soft life means protecting your peace, setting boundaries by maybe avoiding Black Tax and those Harambees going on back in the village, and refusing to burn out for a system or an Employer who doesn’t care about you, then keep it. That’s smart. Corporate culture could learn from it.

But if it’s mostly just performance and just people cheering each other’s exhaustion under better lighting, then nobody is actually resting. I’m afraid to break it to you, but that’s not “Soft Life”. We’re only making the tiredness look prettier for Likes on Instagram and TikTok.

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Social Media “Soft Life” vs Reality

The numbers don’t lie. Kenya is still deeply unequal. Real, dignified work for young people is hard to come by.

Almost Two-Thirds of Employed people under the age of 35 are actually Underpaid. They can barely afford that “Soft Life” from the start of the month to the end of it. Not just in Kenya, but the global south basically.

But scroll through any feed, on Snapchat, streaks of people at “Afters”(Apparently, it’s now normal to get to the club at 3 am and leave at midday in Nairobi), you’ll see brunches in Westlands on a random Tuesday on TikTok, weekends in Diani when you move to Instagram, captions about “Tumia pesa ikuzoee.” But Something doesn’t quite add up.

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My late grandfather used to tell me this when we used to pick tomatoes back in Ugenya: a fool and his cows are soon parted, but a wise man knows which cow he actually owns. I think of that line often when I watch people my age argue about whether the soft life is real or performed.

For most of us, the honest answer is both, depending on the time of the month. There’s no shame in that. There’s only shame in never asking the question.

So here’s the quiet thought: enjoy the brunch. Take the rest. But regularly put the phone down and check, without an audience, whether the softness you show the world is the same softness you feel when nobody is watching. If the two match, fine. Carry on. If they don’t, that gap is worth more attention than any caption.

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